Seascout-Net Mail Archive for October of 1998: New London Submarine and Sailor Appreciation Orientation
New London Submarine and Sailor Appreciation Orientation
Thu Oct 22 10:04:05 1998
For those attending the national meeting in New London who will not have time
to become oriented to service aboard submarines, I offer the following
suggestions for substite orientation in the days preceding:
1. Sleep on the shelf in your closet.
2. Replace the closet door with a curtain.
3. Six hours after you go to sleep, have your wife whip open the curtain,
shine a flashlight in your eyes, and mumble "Sorry, wrong rack."
4. Renovate your bathroom. Build a wall across the middle of your bathtub and
move the shower head down to chest level.
5. When you take showers, make sure you shut off the water while soaping.
6. Every time there's a thunderstorm, go sit in a wobbly rocking chair and
rock as hard as you can until you're nauseous.
7. Put lube oil in your humidifier instead of water and set it to "High."
8. Don't watch TV except movies in the middle of the night. Also, have your
family vote on which movie to watch, then show a different one.
9. (For engineering orientation) Leave a lawnmower running in your living
room 24 hours a day for proper noise level.
10. Have the paperboy give you a haircut.
11. Buy a trash compactor and only use it one a week. Store up the garbage in
the other side of your renovated bathtub.
13. Wake up every night at midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly
sandwich on stale bread. (Optional extra: Canned ravioli or cold soup).
14. Make up your family menu a week ahead of time without looking in your
food cabinets or refrigerator.
15. Set your alarm clock to go off at random times during the night. When it
goes off, jump out of bed and get dressed as fast as you can, then run out
into your yard and break out the garden hose.
16. Once a month take every major appliance completely apart and then put
them back together.
17. Use 18 scoops of coffee per pot and allow it to sit for 5 or 6 hours
18. Invite at least 85 people you don't really like to come and visit for a
19. Have a fluorescent lamp installed on the bottom of your coffee table and
lie under it to read books.
20. Raise the thresholds and lower the top sills on your front and back doors
so that you either trip over the threshold or hit your head on the sill every
time you pass through one of them.
21. Put on the headphones form your stereo (don't plug them in). Go and stand
in front of your stove, say (to no one in particular) "Stove manned and
ready." Stand there for 3 or 4 hours. Say (once again to no one in
particular) "Stove secured." Roll up the headphone cord and put the headset
I leave it to you to find some one to sign you off when you have completed
Sea Scout Ship 101 Viking
"We Sail To The Ends Of The Earth." (or the edges of the chart whichever comes
www.seascout.net/ship101 (a work in progress)