scouts-l Mail Archive for June of 2000: Them Thar Blasted Zippy Thingies...
Thu Jun 22 2000 - 18:38:33 CDT
I have for some time now, been watching the growin' controversy here
on Scouts-L on whether to zip or not to zip them thar pants legs. Whilst I
don't regularly jump into the fray, I feel pretty strongly 'bout them thar
zippy pants, and so I feel I have to wade on into the creek (with them thar
legs zippied off, of course) and set ya'll straight once more. You see,
thars a principle or two at stake here.
Now, as most of ye know when God made man and woman, he gave them
this here thing called "free choice". Now, it has gotten all of us into more
trouble than it seems possible, but we gots to have it so we can have that
other really nice thing called "love". (now, before ye get all impatient
with me, I AM goin' somewheres with this, just zip it till I get there)
(and NO, it hain't a bunch of nonsense either to get you all riled up, just
park yer wagon and listen a spell). However, you have to realize that God
has a sense of humor. And a wry, subtle sense of humor, at that! Why do you
think opposites attract? Sure as shootin', every time God looks down on me
and my wife, he just has to chuckle. Especially, when we try to reason
things out! I have to agree with that tag line that says "If it takes a
felon to commit a felony, then God must be an iron!" (take a deep breath,
you can figure it out). So, how does all this pertain to them thar zippy leg
I'll tell ya...
In the beginning there was merely black and white. When you made a
choice it was easy as that. Black or white. One way or the other you just
HAD to make a decision. Life was easy, if not a bit boring. Then came
Scouting. That added Khaki and red, and soon we had to make room for blue
and gold, forest green, and all sorts of other colors (like orange fer them
thar Tigers) to satisfy all of the different tastes we have in our movement.
Heck, in the very beginning of Scouting, there were only long sleeves and
long pants, but not fer long (pardon the pun). Someone's pappy or maybe even
Grand pappy tore his shirt sleeve or pants leg on a rock, and they had to
trim the whole thing to make it look right. "Hey!", they said, "these feel
really good!" Soon enough, Scouts everywhere where cuttin' and hackin' at
their uniforms. Unfortunately, some were more successful than others. So the
big Scout executives (ya talk about a bunch of irons...) saw all this and
came up with a great idea... "Hey!" they said to each other, "Lets give em
what they want!" You might not realize this, but it was such a radical idea,
that it actually worked.
So a few years ago, my Aunt Louisey took up sewing. Now, her eye
sight is pretty poor, and we all sort of giggled when we saw that she had
managed to sew on the zipper in the wrong place. But, never mind that, she
sewed another onto the other side to make 'em match. Looky thar, would ya?
Aunt Louisey went and made it so you can zip them thar leggy thingies off!
Kewl!!! Before ya kin count to twenty with your shoes on, manufacturers were
calling our Aunt Louisey a genius and puttin' them thar zippy thingies all
over the place. You know, I think I kin hear somethin right now... . "Hey!",
we are sayin' to each other, "these feel really good!" ... "Hey!" them thar
Scoutin' Executives are sayin' amongst themselves, "Lets give 'em what they
want!" You know, this is radical enough that it might just work!!!
There is one eeensey, little, tiny, small problem that ain't so big.
Somehow we have come full circle with this choice thing. (I TOLD you I would
get there) First we were given a choice, then the choices grew in number...
but now we don't have to make a choice anymore. You see, we don't have to
choose long or short anymore... if you buy that thar blasted zippy thingy,
it's both at the same time. Oh well, I guess now we kin debate over which
shade of olive drab to use... (sorry, but I just had to zip that one in...)
BTW??? Has anyone patented zip-on sleeves??? Or how about zip-on knee socks?
Maybe a zip-on neckerchief?
Wearer of the Blasted Zippy Thingies...
I used to be a Bobwhite... NECS-59
I used to be a Knot-Head... SSD-20
Boy Scout Roundtable Commissioner
Central Florida Council, Semoran Springs District