scouts-l Mail Archive for May of 2000: Friday Funny...
Fri May 26 2000 - 07:22:39 CDT
HOW TO KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE READY TO HAVE CHILDREN
Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick behind the
couch and leave it there all summer.
Obtain a 55 gallon box of Legos (If Legos are not available, you may
substitute roofing tacks). Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put
on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream (This
could wake a child at night).
GROCERY STORE TEST:
Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as
you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for
anything they eat or damage.
Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus (they turn bright red when they are
unhappy). Stuff octopus into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay
Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the
ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls
of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug,
while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the
Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds of sand.
Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 p.m. begin to waltz and hum with the
bag until 9:00 p.m. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 p.m. Get
up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about
a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 a.m. Set alarm for 5:00 a.m. Get
up and make breakfast. Keep this up for five years. Look cheerful.
PHYSICAL TEST (WOMEN):
Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes.
Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans.
PHYSICAL TEST (MEN):
Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk
to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head
office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store.
Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.
Find a couple that already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can
improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training and child's
table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that
they should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoy this experience.
It will be the last time you will have all the answers.
Currently, we are working on a similar test for being a Scouter...
I used to a Bobwhite... NECS-59
I used to be a Knot-Head... SSD-20
Boy Scout Roundtable Commissioner
Central Florida Council, Semoran Springs,