scouts-l Mail Archive for November of 1999: Re: Boys and Discipline
MAJ) Mike Walton (settummanque, the blackeagle (blackeagle@SCOUTER.NET
Wed Nov 03 1999 - 23:01:21 CST
Please don't beat yourself up for a temporary lapse in "keeping it all
I don't know of a Scouter one that hasn't (and truthfully can say so) one
time in a span of several years.
As a parent, adult and yes, as a individual, stress builds up to a point
where it comes out one way or another....and our calm, collected, quiet
selves explode into something that we don't even recognize. Add this to our
"experiences" that says that churches are sacred places and we should have
MORE respect inside a structure being used as a religious building or center
than we would in any other building or structure -- to include our own homes
-- and I am not too sure that *I* would not have "lost it" temporarily with
your Scouts under the same cirumstances.
There is a big difference between "losing it" once or twice and "losing it
(Not speaking to Laura, but rather to everyone else) If that's a problem,
then I would certainly ask other Scouter to help you manage your
interactions with youth members, because it *can be construed* as abusive
behavior...at the least, it's as my wife would say "just rude."
>I know I was wrong to yell at them in anger, but am I really such a bad ASM
>as I feel right now FOR yelling at them?
No. Sometimes youth need to know that adults DO indeed have times --as they
do -- in which things get to a boiling point. You can use this to your
advantage, though, Laura.
During the next meeting, explain why you yelled and got out of personal
control and ask your Scouts to think back to a time in which they got out of
control. How did they handle it? If they saw a kid in their classroom at
school or at church youth group with the potential of "losing it", how would
they help them to control it better? What would be the benefit of
controlling one's anger? Why can't we just go around like Godzilla,
crushing, killing and destroying any and everything in our paths? Sure
would *feel good*, would it not?? What would we do?
By opening it up to your Scouts, Laura, and having them to "help you
examine" the situation, they will realize that "Hey....maybe Mrs. Hix was
right for yelling at us the way she did...after all, we're not supposed to
be behaving this way...we're Scouts!" and will find their *own way* of
One of the most honest meetings I've ever had with a Scouting unit was when
I served as Advisor to a College Scouter Explorer Post at the university I
was attending and working at. An undergraduate classmate of mine returned
to the hospital and died a few hours after her return. The week before, a
local TV station featured her in their "heroes of youth" segment. During
the meeting, I broke down and cried, my cries echoing on the second floor of
the residence hall where we met every other Sunday evening.
I couldn't help it. I had to leave and go home where I cried just about all
evening long. Thinking of the student and remembering the last conversation
with this person not even a week before kept it going until I fell asleep,
all cried out.
During the next meeting, I apologized for the outburst to the group and the
President that year, a philosophy student and OA Chapter Chief named Nathan
Burns, asked me to explain why I felt the way I did. This became the start
of a two-hour meeting in which very little program got accomphished, no
activities were announced, but as a group of Explorers and individuals, we
jelled together as a stronger group of people.
The overwhelming comment:"I thought you were just a hall director, or a
school administrator. I know this sounds stupid, but I can now look at you
as a person."
Perhaps, Laura, when you have your talk with your Troop members, they will
see you not just as a parent or Scouter, but also as a person.
Hope this all helps out!
(MAJ) Mike L. Walton (settummanque, the blackeagle)
personal inquiries via email@example.com,
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