scouts-l Mail Archive for November of 1999: The Wall
Ken Faris (kfaris@FLASH.NET
Wed Nov 03 1999 - 13:25:29 CST
"So I've let my troop comm chair know that I am resigning and my son seems
greatly relieved and down right happy to have more time with me. I'm
flattered and I know I am doing the right thing for my family but I am
troubled about this as well."
I have felt over the last 6 months or so that I am in the same position as
you. My son is 10.5 and we have both been active in scouts since his Tiger
Cub days. Over the last few months I have began to notice the same signs
from Trey as what you have described as your son. There can be a number of
reasons for this but here is the primary one I assure you.
Your son is beginning to spread his wings and wants to fly on his own
without your supervision :-) Those of us who had parents that were active
Scout leaders can remember these same feelings. I am not trying to deflate
your bubble by saying that his true motivation is not wanting to spend more
time with you, that may be part of it. But I think if you would observe the
situation further and in other scenarios you would find that the first point
is probably correct.
As Scout Leaders several things happen that my son and I have talked about
and I have had to come to grips with; ergo my ego.
1. He is still the same aged kid as the rest of the boys.
2. He should be allowed to work at his own pace like the rest, whose
parents are not leaders.
3. He is not my Assistant, my statue of perfect discipline, or
necessarily the most dedicated boy in the group.
4. He should not have to live to a higher standard then the other guys.
5. He is a kid, not a miniature adult.
Are you beginning to see a picture :-) This may not be the case with you
and your son, but it was with mine. For so long I had made him adhere to a
higher standard; ergo my ego. Now that he and I have talked about it, we
have begun a new relationship. I know that everything I have said is true
in our case and it was driving us apart. Scouting was no longer fun for him
because I expected him to meet my standards while some of the other kids got
more leeway. I haven't changed my views about what a good kid is, I have
only expressed to him that I would begin to look at him as one of the kids
not necessarily, (MY SON).
I hope this helps, and I really do hope that you continue in Scouting.
Webelo Den Leader Pack 705
East Texas Council