Scouts-L Mail Archive for September of 1999: Resignation, and a little push
Resignation, and a little push
Fri, 3 Sep 1999 07:20:09 -0400
Two funny items that fell into my mailbox recently...
To Whom it May Concern:
I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have
decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year old
I want to go to McDonald's and think that it's a four star restaurant.
I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make ripples
I want to think M&Ms are better than money because you can eat
I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with
my friends on a hot summer's day.
I want to return to a time when life was simple. When all you
knew were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes, but
that didn't bother you, because you didn't know what you didn't
know and you didn't care. All you knew was to be happy because
you were blissfully unaware of all the things that should make
you worried or upset.
I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good.
I want to believe that anything is possible.
I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly
excited by the little things again.
I want to live simple again. I don't want my day to consist of
computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news,
how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the
bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness, and loss of loved ones. I want
to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice,
peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels in
So....here's my checkbook and my car-keys, my credit card bills
and my 401K statements. I am officially resigning from
adulthood And if you want to discuss this further, you'll have to
catch me first, cause,
"Tag! You're it."
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door.
He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the
morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time", he thinks, and
rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer
that?" says his wife. So he drags himself out of bed, and goes downstairs.
He opens the door and there is man standing at the door. It didn't take
the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk. "Hi there." slurs the
stranger, "Can you give me a push??" "No, get lost, it's half past three.
I was in bed." says the man and slams the door.
He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says,
"Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in
the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitter and
you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would
have happened if he'd told us to get lost??" "But the guy was drunk."
says the husband. "It doesn't matter." says the wife. "He needs our
help and it would be the Christian thing to help him."
So the husband out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He
opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts:
"Hey, do you still want a push??" and he hears a voice cry out "Yeah
So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts: "Where are you?"
And the stranger replies: "I'm over here, on your swing."