Scouts-L Mail Archive for April of 1999: Re: Eagle Court Parent Dilemma
Re: Eagle Court Parent Dilemma
Em & Tony Shipley
Wed, 14 Apr 1999 11:50:43 -0500
OK, after much personal deliberation and discussion with my husband,
this is how we feel. You see, we have MY son as a Cub right now and we
have HIS son as a Cub right now, so one day we will most likely be in
the same situation you are in twice. Then we also have my daughter and
his daughter who are starting Girl Scouts and they have their awards
also. This is our agreement on the situation. You may take it or leave
it as you so choose.
This is the child's award. Both the natural and the step parent have
claim as the child's parent. Without the biological parent, there would
be no child. Without the step parent, the child would not have
developed into the person he is today. The parent pin simply states
that "My child worked his/her butt off and earned this award." This is
what makes the parent pin just as important to the biological parent and
the step-parent. It does not make the award any less important for
either parent. Tony told me that he feels that when Scott gets to that
point in his life, that yes, Greg should also recieve a "Father's Pin"
since without Greg, there would be no Scott. I also feel that as Ian
goes through, Mary Beth has just as much claim to any "Mother's Pins" as
I do, because without her, there would be no Ian. Neither Mary Beth nor
Greg has any positive influence in the boys lives (Mary Beth living many
miles away and Greg living close by but in a can of beer.) None the
less, they both will be given the parent pins, not because of the work
they have done with the boys, but because without them, the boys would
not be here to get the award themselves.
Well, I guess I've rambled on enough about how we feel about it. Like I
said, Take it or leave it. The final decision should be up to the boy,
not the adults anyway, after all it is HIS Court of Honor.
Em Shipley - Cubmaster Pack 51
Tony Shipley - Assistant Cubmaster Pack 51
Buffalo District, Three Rivers Council
Port Neches, TX
> Hi all,
> I appeal to the huge experience base of the list.
> There is a boy in my troop, oh, OK, so it's my kid, who will be planning his
> Eagle COH (yay!!) for summer/fall. Common problem: divorced parents.
> I am, as some of you know, the SA & mom. My husband, God bless him, has been
> son's father-in-place since boy was 5 yrs old (11+yrs), has actively
> supported both of us in Scouting since Tigers, had two sons of his own who
> are Eagle, was the kid's Webelos 2 leader and went to the Troop, has worked
> into other positions and is now district chmn. Father has been in regular
> (too darn regular if you ask me... oh, sorry) contact, takes kid for
> expensive vacations and spends tons of money but lives on the other side of
> the continent and has had little to do with actual upbringing (although of
> course he takes FULL credit for how well the kid has turned out <G>).
> Son wants me to be in uniform and have some speaking part in the ceremony,
> which is OK w/ me because I think it's his call and I'll do what he wants for
> this one <G>. He wants hubby to do some spoken part too, which is a thrill
> for him. Father is asked only to show up (and *if* it's convenient w/ his
> business travel, he probably will).
> Question is, how to handle the "father's pin" thing? Hubby has been the kid's
> father in more ways than one, including the usual adolescent-dad stressor
> thing, and kid wants to recognize this by giving him a dad pin. Of course,
> though, there's the dad too. Hubby's main point is that he doesn't want the
> dad pin if awarded side-by-side with father, as he feels it would cheapen it,
> and I have to agree with his feelings here.
> Son doesn't want to insult dad by not giving him an actual "father's" pin,
> being as he is the actual father with whom he has a decent relationship, even
> though it is more like one of uncle-nephew than actual parent.
> As for me, I divorced the sob because of abuse issues, which the kid is
> unaware of, and I don't like being in the same room with him if I can help
> it, but I am perfectly wiling to put on a pleasant face and deal with it for
> an hour or two for kid's sake even if it would annoy me to be up front and
> have him get a dad's pin in the same pgh I get the mom's one.
> Any experience with dealing with the two-men issues in CoH? Any creative
> Auntie Beans
> SA T47 Sandwich MA
> Cape Cod & Islands Council
> Abake MiSaNaKi Lodge #393
> NSJ 1997 Nat'l Health & Safety
> I useta be an Eagle...
> 'The staff is old and feeble, and we can sing no more,
> So we're getting out of Gilwell while we can!'