Scouts-L Mail Archive for November of 1998: Friday funny
Thu, 12 Nov 1998 20:01:02 -0600
Now that we're all back together here's something to lighten up your weekend.
> BOB LEVEY'S WASHINGTON POST
> We've all been interviewed for jobs. And, we've all spent most of
> those interviews thinking about what not to do. Don't bite your nails.
> Don't fidget. Don't interrupt. Don't belch. If we did any of the
> don'ts, we knew we'd disqualify ourselves instantly. But some job
> applicants go light years beyond this. We surveyed top personnel
> executives of 100 major American corporations and asked for stories
> of unusual behavior by job applicants. The lowlights:
> 1. Said he was so well-qualified [that] if he didn't get the job, it
> would prove that the company's management was incompetent.
> 2. Stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application.
> 3. Brought her large dog to the interview.
> 4. Chewed bubble gum and constantly blew bubbles.
> 5. Candidate kept giggling through serious interview.
> 6. She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and the music
> at the same time.
> 7. Balding candidate abruptly excused himself. Returned to office a
> few minutes later, wearing a hairpiece.
> 8. Applicant challenged interviewer to arm wrestle.
> 9. Asked to see interviewer's resume to see if the personnel
> executive was qualified to judge the candidate.
> 10. Announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger
> and french fries in the interviewer's office.
> 11. Without saying a word, candidate stood up and walked out during
> the middle of the interview.
> 12. Man wore jogging suit to interview for position as financial
> vice president.
> 13. Said if he were hired, he would demonstrate his loyalty by
> having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.
> 14. Interrupted to phone his therapist for advice on answering
> specific interview questions.
> 15. Wouldn't get out of the chair until I would hire him. I had to
> call the police.
> 16. When I asked him about his hobbies, he stood up and started tap
> dancing around my office.
> 17. Had a little pinball game and challenged me to play with him.
> 18. Bounced up and down on my carpet and told me I must be highly
> thought of by the company because I was given such a thick carpet.
> 19. Took a brush out of my purse, brushed his hair and left.
> 20. Pulled out a Polaroid camera and snapped a flash picture of me.
> Said he collected photos of everyone who interviewed him.
> 21. Candidate asked me if I would put on a suit jacket to insure
> that the offer was formal.
> 22. Said he wasn't interested because the position paid too much.
> 23. While I was on a long-distance phone call, the applicant took
> out a copy of Penthouse, and looked through the photos only, stopping
> longest at the centerfold.
> 24. During the interview, an alarm clock went off from the
> candidate's brief case. He took it out, shut it off, apologized and
> said he had to leave for another interview.
> 25. A telephone call came in for the job applicant. It was from his
> wife. His side of the conversation went like this: "Which company?
> When do l start? What's the salary?" I said, "l assume you're not
> interested in conducting the interview any further." He promptly
> responded, "I am as long as you'll pay me more. "I didn't hire him,
> but later found out there was no other job offer. It was a scam to
> get a higher offer.
> 26. An applicant came in wearing only one shoe. She explained that
> the other shoe was stolen off her foot in the bus.
> 27. His attache [case] opened when he picked it up and the contents
> spilled, revealing ladies' undergarments and assorted makeup and
> 28. He came to the interview with a moped and left it in the
> reception area. He didn't want it to get stolen, and stated that he
> require indoor parking for the moped.
> 29. He took off his right shoe and sock, removed a medicated foot
> powder and dusted it on the foot and in the shoe. While he was
> putting back the shoe and sock, he mentioned that he had to use the
> four times a day, and this was the time.
> 30. Candidate said he really didn't want to get a job, but the
> unemployment office needed proof that he was looking for one.
> 31. He whistled when the interviewer was talking.
> 32. Asked who the lovely babe was, pointing to the picture on my desk.
> When I said it was my wife, he asked if she was home now and wanted
> his phone number. I called security.
> 33. She threw-up on my desk, and immediately started asking
> questions about the job, like nothing had happened.
> 34. Pointing to a black case he carried into my office, he said that
> if he was not hired, the bomb would go off. Disbelieving, I began to
> state why he would never be hired and that I was going to call the
> police. He then reached down to the case, flipped a switch and ran.
> No one was injured, but I did need to get a new desk.
> 35. Asked if I wanted some cocaine before starting the interview.
And once you have that job...
>> Top 10 Signs That You Have Job Burnout:
>>10. You're so tired, you now answer the phone with just: "Hell."
>>9. Your friends call to ask how you've been, and you immediately
>> scream, "Get off my back!!"
>>8. Your garbage can IS your "In" box.
>>7. You wake up to discover your bed is on fire, but go back to sleep
>> because you just don't care.
>>6. You have so much on your mind, you've forgotten how to LOGON.
>>5. Visions of the upcoming weekend help you make it through Monday.
>>4. You don't set your alarm anymore because you know the pager
>> will go off before the alarm does.
>>3. You leave for a party and instinctively bring your ID badge.
>>2. Your DayTimer/Work Planner exploded a week ago.
>>And the number one sign that you are burned out because of work?
>>1. You think about how relaxing it would be if you were in jail right now.
Mark W. Arend
Beaver Dam Community Library
311 N. Spring St. Outside of a dog, a book is
Beaver Dam, Wisc. 53916 man's best friend. Inside of
(920) 887-4631 (fax 887-4633) a dog it's too dark to read.
Scoutmaster, Troop 736