Scouts-L Mail Archive for October of 1998: Possible Skits/Very Punny
Possible Skits/Very Punny
Fri, 30 Oct 1998 04:35:42 +0000
Hi, all, I was surfing and came across some good puns (well, >there< is an
oxymoron for you!), and I thought that some of these would make good skits.
So get out your props and get those boys involved.
Happy Halloween, too.
"I don't write'em, I just pass 'em on"
A Patriotic Pun
There were a brother and sister who worked for the CIA during the cold war.
Their names were Dwayne and Amber, and they were stationed in Paris. Their
job was to sniff out Soviet spies so their cells could be neutralized. It
was Paris, where restaurants were "the thing," and the Russians always met
in a restaurant.
However, our friends did not know, at any particular time, just what
restaurant. Therefore, they had to go from restaurant to restaurant. In
order not to be suspect they had to eat at all of the restaurants, so they
practiced, if you will, bulimia for Uncle Sam.
Because of the pressure, and because of the fact that they were siblings,
they were constantly bickering and were noticed. However, nobody ever
thought that they were CIA spies, so they were very successful and many,
many Russians were apprehended.
It was time for their annual performance appraisal which read: "They're
dutiful voracious spies, but Amber raves at Dwayne."
The Pirate's Treasure
A pirate captain was on the look out for buried treasure. After months of
hard sailing, day in and day out, his ship caught site of land, the land to
which his treasure map had been leading. He and his first mate diembarked on
the island to search out the buried treasure, which was supposed to lie
hidden deep within a swamp at the center of the island.
Sure enough, at the center of the island was a swamp, and the Captain and
his first mate bravely entered the swamp. Soon the swamp began to get
deeper, and the priate's feet, then ankles, and finally entire leg below the
knees was covered in swamp. It was at that time that the Captain banged his
shin against something hard. He reached down, searched around, and pulled up
a treasure chest.
Prying the lock open, the chest revealed gold and jewels beyond imagination.
The Captain turned to his first mate and said, "Arrrr, matey, that just goes
to show ye, that booty is only shin deep!"
Once upon a time there was a king and a jester. Now, the jester loved puns
and annoyed the king with them all day long. Finally, the king was so fed up
that he said, "If you don't stop with the puns, I'll be forced to hang you!"
What was the jester's reply? "Well, no noose is good noose!"
They hung the jester the next day.
Two safari guides in Africa were having a drink on the veranda and watching
the sun go down when they became engaged in an argument over which was the
better guide. Since each simply refused to believe the other's hunting
stories they were unable to resolve the dispute themselves. They decided the
only way to decide was to hunt the very next day and the first of them to
kill a lion would win the distinction. A bet was also made that the loser
must buy the winner a pint of his favorite whisky. At dawn the next morning
one hunter was off with his bearers, beaters, Land Rovers, and all of the
other equipment needed for a successful hunt. All this while the other
hunter was sitting on the veranda, his feet up on the railing, watching the
hunters leave and drinking his morning coffee.
The hunter on safari hunted high and low all day and just before dark
finally was able to surround a lion with his native hunters and beaters. As
the circle became tighter and tighter the lion finally broke cover and ran
into the open. The hunter drew a careful bead on the lion and just as he was
about to squeeze off the killing shot, the other hunter suddenly swooped
over the hunting site in an airplane, pulled out a machine gun and shot and
killed the lion thus winning
The hunter on the ground was outraged. Back at the lodge he confronted the
other hunter about his poor sportsmanship and his lack of honor to the
spirit of the challenge. When asked to explain himself the winner said "I
don't understand why you are so upset. I thought everybody knows the
shortest distance between two pints is a strafed lion."
A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, I keep having these alternating
recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam; then I'm a teepee;
then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?" The doctor
replies: "It's very simple. You're two tents."
Rudolph the Red
There once was a Communist named "Rudolph the Red." One day he looked
outside his window and said "It's going to rain!" His wife asked him: "How
do you know?" He answered: "Well . . .
Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."
It was so quiet in the bowling alley that you could hear a pin drop...
Did you hear about the man who couldn't find anyone to sing with? He had to
buy a duet-yourself kit.
Et tu, Brute?
John, a security guard at an industrial plant, was at work the other night,
when he heard that the janitor, an old man named Beezer, had fallen and hurt
his back. So John called the First Aid crew, got a stretcher, and went to
carry Beezer out. Well, the two medics were big jokers and started spinning
beezer around in circles. John looked back and said "Stop that. We come to
carry Beezer, not to daze him."
And this one is reserved for Woodbadge, or other adult only
gatherings.......so behave yourselves!
"Sects! Sects! Sects!" said the first monk to the second. "Is that all you
Lorie McGraw <firstname.lastname@example.org> Webelos DL Pack 410
Etowah Creek District Indian Waters Council, Columbia, SC
Slide Show Neckerchief Slides: http://home.att.net/~llmcgraw/etowah/slides.htm
If a cow laughed, would milk come out it's nose?