Skit-If God Would Speak
Gary Apfelstadt (apfelsta@UIUC.EDU)
Sat, 12 Sep 1998 01:35:00 -0500
A Skit about the Lord=92s Prayer Author unknown
=93Our Father which art in heaven...=94
=93Don=92t interupt me. I=92m praying... Our Father who art in heaven...=
THERE! YOU DID IT AGAIN.
YOU CALLED ME. YOU SAID, =93OUR FATHER WHO ART IN HEAVEN=94 HERE I AM.
=93But I didn=92t mean anything by it. I was, you know, just saying my p=
the day. I always say the Lord=92s prayer. It makes me feel good...kind=
getting a duty done.=94
ALL RIGHT.....GO ON.
=93Hallowed be Thy name.=94
HOLD IT! WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?
=93It means...it means....good grief! I don=92t know what it means! Ho=
know? It=92s just part of the prayer. By the way.....what does it mean?=94
IT MEANS HONORED, HOLY, WONDERFUL.
=93Hey, that makes sense. I never thought about what =93hallowed=94 mean=
t before. =20
=93Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.=94
DO YOU REALLY MEAN THAT?
=93Sure, why not?=94
WHAT ARE YOU DOING ABOUT IT?
=93Doing? Nothing, I guess. I just think it would be kind of neat if y=
control of everything down here like you have up there.=94
HAVE I GOT CONTROL OF YOU?
=93Well.... I go to church.=94
THAT ISN=92T WHAT I ASKED YOU! WHAT ABOUT THAT HABIT OF SELFISHNESS YOU
AND YOUR BAD TEMPER? YOU REALLY HAVE A PROBLEM THERE, YOU KNOW. AND TH=
THE WAY YOU SPEND YOUR MONEY....ALL ON YOURSELF.
=93Stop picking on me! I=92m just as good as some of the rest of the pho=
EXCUSE ME! I THOUGHT YOU WERE PRAYING FOR MY WILL TO BE DONE. IF THAT =
HAPPEN, IT WILL HAVE TO START WITH THE ONES THAT ARE PRAYING FOR IT. LIK=
=93Oh, all right. I guess I do have some hang-ups. Now that you mention=
could probably name some others.=94
SO COULD I.
=93I haven=92t thought about it very much until now, but I really would l=
out some of those things. I would like to, you know, be really free of t=
GOOD. NOW WE ARE GETTING SOMEWHERE. WE=92LL WORK TOGETHER, YOU AND I. =
VICTORIES CAN BE TRULY WON. I=92M PROUD OF YOU.
=93Look, Lord. I need to finish. This is taking a lot longer than it =
does. ...Give us this day our daily bread.=94
YOU NEED TO CUT OUT THE BREAD. YOU=92RE OVERWEIGHT AS IT IS.
=93Hey, wait a minute! What is this, criticize me day? Here I was doin=
religious duty and all of a sudden you break in and remind me of all my
PRAYING IS A DANGEROUS THING. YOU COULD WIND UP CHANGED, YOU KNOW. THAT=
WHAT I AM TRYING TO GET ACROSS TO YOU. YOU CALLED ME, AND HERE I AM. IT=
LATE TO STOP NOW. KEEP ON PRAYING. I=92M INTERESTED IN THE NEXT PART OF=
=93I=92m scared, too.=94
SCARED OF WHAT?
=93I know what you=92ll say.=94
TRY ME AND SEE.
=93Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.=94
WHAT ABOUT BILL?
=93See? I knew it!!! I knew you would bring him up. Why, Lord, he=92=
lies about me, cheated me out of some money. He never paid back that deb=
owes me! I=92ve sworn to get even with him.=94
BUT YOUR PRAYER!!! WHAT ABOUT YOUR PRAYER?
=93I didn=92t mean it.=94
WELL, AT LEAST YOU ARE HONEST. BUT IT=92S NOT MUCH FUN CARRYING THAT LO=
BITTERNESS AROUND INSIDE, IS IT?
=93No, but I=92ll feel better as soon as I get even. Boy, have I got pla=
Bill. He=92ll wish he never gyped me!=94
YOU WON=92T FEEL ANY BETTER. YOU=92LL FEEL WORSE. REVENGE ISN=92T SWEET=
.. THINK OF
HOW UNHAPPY YOU ALREADY ARE. BUT I CAN CHANGE ALL THAT.
=93You can? How?=94
FORGIVE BILL, THEN I=92LL FORGIVE YOU. THEN THE HATE AND SIN WILL BE BIL=
PROBLEMS AND NOT YOURS. YOU MAY LOOSE THE MONEY, BUT YOU WILL HAVE SETTL=
=93But, Lord, I can=92t forgive Bill.=94
THEN I CAN=92T FORGIVE YOU.
=93Oh, you=92re right. You always are, and more than I want revenge on B=
want to be right with you. (pause and sigh) All right, all right, I
him. Help him to find the right road in life, Lord. He=92s bound to be a=
miserable now that I think about it. Anybody who goes around doing the t=
he does to others has to be out of it. Some way, somehow, show him the r=
YOU=92RE NOT THROUGH WITH YOUR PRAYER. GO ON.
=93Oh, all right. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from =
GOOD, GOOD, I=92LL DO THAT. JUST DON=92T PUT YOURSELF IN A PLACE WHERER =
=93What do you mean by that?=94
CHANGE SOME OF YOUR FRIENDSHIPS. SOME OF YOUR SO-CALLED FRIENDS ARE BEGI=
TO GET TO YOU. THEY=92LL HAVE YOU COMPLETELY INVOLVED IN WRONG THINGS BE=
LONG. DON=92T BE FOOLED. THEY ADVERTISE THEYARE HAVING FUN, BUT FOR YOU=
WOULD BE RUIN. DONT=92 USE ME FOR AN ESCAPE HATCH.
=93I don=92t understand.=94
SURE YOU DO. YOU=92VE DONE IT A LOT OF TIMES. YOU GET CAUGHT IN A BAD
SITUATION. YOU GET INTO TROUBLE AND THEN COME RUNNING TO ME. =93LORD, H=
OUT OF THIS MESS, AND I PROMISE YOU I WILL NEVER DO IT AGAIN.=94 YOU REM=
SOME OF THOSE BARGAINS YOU TRIED TO MAKE WITH ME?
=93Yes, and I am ashamed, Lord.=94
WHICH BARGAIN ARE YOU REMEMBERING?
=93Well, when the woman next door saw me backing away from the neighborho=
I=92d told my wife I was going to the store. I remember telling you, =93=
don=92t let her tell my wife where I=92ve been. Let me get out of this o=
ne and I
won=92t do it again.=94
SHE DIDN=92T TELL YOUR WIFE, BUT YOU DIDN=92T KEEP YOUR PROMISE, DID YOU?
=93I=92m sorry, Lord. I really am. Up until now I thought that if I just=
the Lord=92s Prayer every day, then I could do what I liked.=94
GO AHEAD AND FINISH YOUR PRAYER.
=93For Thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever and ev=
DO YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BRING ME GLORY? WHAT WOULD MAKE ME HAPPY?
=93No. But I=92d like to know. I want to please you. I can see what a =
been making of my life. And I can see how good it would be to really be
YOU JUST ANSWERED MY QUESTION.
=93 I did?=94
YES. THE THING THAT WOULD BRING ME GLORY IS TO HAVE PEOPLE LIKE YOU
MY LOVE. AND I SEE THAT HAPPENING BETWEEN US. NOW THAT SOME OF THESE OLD=
ARE EXCUSED AND OUT OF THE WAY, WELL, THERE=92S NO TELLING WHAT WE CAN DO
=93Lord, let=92s see what we can make of me, okay?=94
YES, LET=92S SEE.
Terry Howerton Sakima Group, Inc. SCOUTER Magazine Kansas City