Bruce Major (major@GATOR.NET)
Wed, 10 Jun 1998 14:57:35 -0400
>You just may be a scoutmaster...
>...if most of your wardrobe is olive drab or khaki.
>... you have holes in the pockets of your jeans from carrying a pocket
>... you begin to think half frozen french fries don't taste all that
>... you keep a bucket of water by your side while cooking dinner.
>... you spontaneously break into strange songs in public.
>... you can stare at a spider web for an hour, and not notice the time
>... you carry your own toilet paper wherever you go.
>... you always read by a flashlight.
>... your radio is always tuned to the weather station.
>... you horde tent stakes.
>... you wear 2 pairs of socks to bed.
>... you keep a lantern hanging outside your bathroom door.
>... you sleep under a trash bag.
>... you cannot walk by a piece of trash without picking it up.
>... you carry a dufflebag size first-aid kit in your car.
>... you always have hat hair.
>... you continue to wear it until it stands on it's own.
>... you're always counting how many matches you have left.
>... you know all the words to "Little Bunny Foo-Foo", but can't remember
where you left your briefcase.
>... you see paint samples in a store and immediately want to name things
in nature with the same colors.
>... your pots and pans are all black.
>... you roast a mini-marshmallow on a paper clip over a candle; then put
it on a golden graham with one square of chocolate, just to get the
>... you always cook enough food for twelve.
>... all your clothes smell like pickles (from the bucket).
>... pie iron pizzas is the best meal you've had all week.
>... you always have a cup hooked to your belt.
>... all your dishes have little pieces of egg stuck on them.
>... you own little bits of every color felt.
>... you open letters with a pocket knife.
>... you have something on your shoe...and you're sure it's only mud.
>... you eat ants on a log and like it.
>... you wear bread bags on your feet.
>... you know 365 one pot meals.
>... if your "microwave" is a box wrapped in foil.
>... when opening large gifts, you survey the box wondering if you have a
piece of foil large enough to cover it.
>... you buy your shampoo in little tiny bottles.
>... you order pizzas 14 at a time.
>... you have the urge to help little old ladies...whether they want it or
>... everything in your cupboard says "Instant, just add water".
>... your neighbors hide when they see you going door to door with "that
order form" again.
>... you have to go to the restroom and you start looking for a buddy.
>... you really do use those emergency sewing kits.
>... you go to someone's house for dinner, don't like the food, and ask
if they have peanut butter and jelly.
>... you see a pile of rocks and immediately put them in a circle.
>... you know 100 uses for a bandana.
>... all your shirts have pin holes in them.
>... you wear thongs in the shower.
>... you actually own the book, "How to Sh*t in the Woods".
>... you have a collection of used candles and dryer lint.
>... someone asks for a volunteer and you find your hand is already in the
>... your favorite cologne is "Deep Woods Off!".
>... you can't remember which hand to shake with in the office on Monday
>... you miss the "floaties" and "sinkers" in the office coffee.
>... your computer password is "SMF BoR YiS."
>... you miss "cargo pockets."
>... you REALLY LOVE your self-inflating sleep pad.
>... you have the end of every rope at home backspliced or whipped.
>... you correct someone who says "Gee, I used to be an Eagle Scout", and
then get him to volunteer in your Troop.
>... you always have a boy registration and adult leader application in
your red bag. And you have to keep replacing them.
>... you deeply understand the potential of a group working together.
>... you camp for a week in the summer with about a dozen old guys; about
40 between 18 and 30; hundreds between 11 and 18; and the whole thing
>... you know you have brothers all over the world.
>... you have seen the spiritual power the outdoors can have on men and
>... you have helped raise each other's children. You are proud of the
mentors your sons have found.
>... You know who in your troop can really cook and who's talent lies in
dishwashing. And, you think a pan of warm water feels pretty good
>... if you catch yourself singing "God Bless My Underwear" when it's
time to sing "God Bless America".
>... if you say "signs up" in a business meeting to quiet everyone down.
>... if you turn down a raspberry almond torte for a spoonful of Dutch Oven
>... if you find yourself discussing the relative merits of internal-versus
at a seminar.
>... if you hear someone refer to 'S&M', and you chime in with, 'no, the
acronym is SM.'"
>... if your closets are full and they don't contain clothes, but craft
>... if you have a special weaved belt loop cup holder.
>... if you know more than two ways to light a fire.
>... if your gourmet meal consists of cornbread, "Spam," and bug-juice.
>... if your idea of a burned-out lightbulb is a broken mantle.
>... if your front door has a zipper instead of a deadbolt.
>... if your last birthday cake was prepared and served in a Dutch Oven.
>... if you're the only one on your block with a fire pit in your back yard.
>... if you've ever been mistaken for a park ranger or a State Trooper.
>... if your "family vacation" includes 30 kids your wife/husband doesn't
>... if the trash collector has ever requested that you not hang your
bags between the trees in the parkway.
>... if you've ever heard the phrase, "Trust me, it's only an hour a week!!"
Terry Howerton Sakima Group, Inc. SCOUTER Magazine Kansas City