A permanent decision
David F. Delman (Delman01@COMPUSERVE.COM)
Fri, 7 Nov 1997 09:38:53 -0500
<<Tue, 4 Nov 1997 23:44:16 BLUE-EYED EAGLE <0203127@ACAD.NWMISSOURI.EDU>
<<Request from Mr Mike Bowman <Your right Mr Mike>>
Very sorry for you, your troop, and your boys.
First I am not a counsellor, =
Second I am not a counsellor,
I do know that Talking, Writing, Communicating, Knowledge, and =
Association, are tools in the process used to rebuild self mental
health. And yes I have personal knowledge with Counsellors and the
process. Some of my experiences are poor some are good mostly due
to the quality of the specific counsellor. Counsellors are like =
ScoutMasters or Scout Professionals which means there is a difference
between having a Sheep Skin, a Position, and being Effective.
I, as the Bull I am, think I would do the following,
Invite all the parents to have their son see their own professional =
Counsellor and to check if they have medical coverage for a few free
or inexpensive visits. This is very important to your personal liability=
protection as well as great common sense. Make sure you do this.
Remember "No man should be an Island"
Get all the guys together with the person in your troop, probably
you (Devin) that not only cares the most but communicates the best
at the level they need to communicate. You might want another trusted
person like a great male Teacher they respect and know.
The reason for this is "The setting you described" with all the =
parents present makes me shiver a lot since each parent has different =
expectations for their son and often times gets in the way of them =
being open about themselves. Boys tell me and other adults spontaneous
stuff on campouts that makes me feel like Uncle Art Linkletter and its =
OK because they don't feel their trust will be destroyed.
The parents have their own emotions and expectations for them and their
son to deal with which makes some of them like jack rabbits. You might =
want to have a separate thing with them.
The Teacher is good because Schools deal with this problem more than us.
Another good source is a a male minister or priest again because they
deal with death as part of life more than you or I.
Be a bit forceful as well as clever in wanting and achieving 100% =
first awareness for each boy. Whether it is all the guys, in small group=
like patrols or one-on-one make sure the ONE has achieved communication.=
and can assess where each boy is. Search their eyes for truth.
As you think you hit someone doing good, OK, or poor advise the =
parents/guardians since they are the ones really in CHARGE.
Don't exactly really remember the stages, but push on each, and don't =
jump a stage i.e. cautiously move to the Change & Growth Stage =
watching the need for relapses.
Fight for their right to Deny, =
Fight for their right to hate him for doing this to him and them
(Yes that is right some should HATE him and the feeling is a good
(one that moves them up the ladder to Change and Growth
(Via 1st Hate and then 2nd Why the Hate
Change & Growth
Throughout, Give them Knowledge, Let them know the numbers
Lastly I have a quote someplace I will paraphrase
"The only cure for depression is to keep moving"
Which means don't languish in the problem, as fast as you can keep =
scouting life rolling and fold this life issue into your Program.
do so learn, experience, test, analyze, change, learn and so on.
YiS, IMHO, and may we each attempt to live the SO,SL,SS,SM
Mr Dave (Hawleyton, NY (Susquenango Council
P.S. I am sure many here have prayers that go out for you.=
Terry Howerton Sakima Group, Inc. SCOUTER Magazine Kansas City