Skits: Very Punny
Lorie McGraw (llmcgraw@WORLDNET.ATT.NET)
Mon, 15 Sep 1997 17:42:15 +0000
Hello to the List,
Here are some skit ideas for those of you who need some new ones. I have
included the original joke (from whnce the ideas flow), plus the skit
underneath it. Please feel free to modify or translate to other States,
regions, etc. Have fun!
--Lorie McGraw Bear Den Leader, Etowah Creek District, Indian Waters
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the
craft it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and
heat it, too.
Scouts bring in a 2-man (or two one-man) kayak or mime being in a kayak
(double bladed paddles are all you really need).
S1: Boy, sure is pretty here. But I'm getting cold.
S2: Me, too. (peers off in the distance) Too far to shore, let's build a
fire here in the kayak! That'll heat us up.
S1: Good idea!
Scouts mime building the fire, Aah, that feels good, etc.
S1: (suddenly) Hey, we're sinking!
Frantic bailing, then turn to Audience and shrug shoulders in exaggerated style.
S1: well, that just goes to show you
Both: You can't have your kayak and heat it, too!
> > > > >> >> >>
Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and
became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and
never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the
lesser of two weevils.
Skit: ----Two Weevils--
Narrator: Once upon a time there were 2 weevils.
Two scouts w/ bug antennae walk on, wave to audience. One is dressed in
Hollywood cool, other is dressed in overalls, like country hick.
Narrator: One weevil went to Hollywood and became a famous actor.
Weevil 1 puts on sunglasses, flashes giant paycheck, has a pretty "girl"
come out and hang on arm, etc.
Narrator: The other weevil stayed behind in the cotton fields and never
amounted to much.
Weevil 2 pulls out a big wad of cotton (use a bag of polyfill from the craft
store), eats it, scratches, looks bored
Narrator: The second one, naturally, became known as (pause) the lesser of
> > >> >> >> >> >>
A mushroom walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. The bartender
says, "We don't serve mushrooms here." The mushroom says, "Why not?! I'm
a fun guy!"
Change bar to restaurant. Use as walk-on.
> > > > >> >> >> >> >>
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to
the bar and announces: "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."
Change saloon to restaurant, coffee shop, Bank, etc. Dog is scout dressed
in dog suit or dog/hound ears and tail with cowboy neckerchief, one front
paw bandaged conspicuously.
Waiter/Teller: Hey, we don't get many dogs in here. What can I help you with?
Dog: (pauses, looks at audience, back at teller) "I'm lookin' for the man
who shot my paw."
> > > > << << << << << >> >> >> >>
This guy goes into a restaurant for breakfast. After looking over the menu
he says, "I'll just have the Eggs Benedict." His order comes a while later
and it's served on a fancy chrome platter. He asks the waiter "What's with
the fancy plate?" The waiter replies, "Well sir, there's no plate like
chrome for the hollandaise!"
Waiter seats a man at a table for breakfast. Waiter hands him a menu, he
looks at it, turns to waiter.
Man: I'll just have the Eggs Benedict with extra hollandaise sauce.
Waiter: Very good choice, sir.
Waiter leaves, returns with shiny chrome platter with food on it (use chrome
spray paint on a paper plate).
Waiter: Here you are, sir, Eggs Benedict with extra hollandaise sauce.
Man: What's with the fancy chrome plate?
Waiter: "Well sir, (singing) there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"
(Tune: There's No Place Like Home For the Holidays)
> > >>> >> >> >> >>
A guy goes into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender gives him a beer
and a bowl of nuts. The guy starts drinking his beer and munches on a few
nuts when suddenly he hears a soft voice, "Hey that's a nice tie".
The guy looks around and sees no one except the bartender at the
other end of the bar. The guy takes another sip of his beer and munches a
few more nuts when again he hears the soft voice, "Man, you are looking
good, have you lost weight?".
The guy looks around, dazed and confused, and only sees the
bartender down at the other end of the bar. He has another sip of his beer,
a few more nuts, and the same thing happens again, the soft voice, "Wow,
where do you buy your clothes? I simply love your jacket".
The guy calls the bartender down.
"Do you hear voices?" the guy asks nervously.
"Voices Sir?" the bartender asks thinking he's got a weirdo sitting
at the bar.
"Yeah, watch this" says the guy. He sips his beer and munches a
handful of nuts. Sure enough there's the soft voice. "Man, are you smart
"Oh, that", says the bartender, "it's the nuts."
"The nuts?", asks the guy.
"Yes" says the bartender, "they're complimentary."
----------- Skit: Free Nuts----------
Setting: Restaurant Bar
A Man walks on-stage and sits at the bar or table.
Scout dressed as bartender (apron, note pad) comes over.
Bartender: What'll you have?
Bartender gives him a Pepsi and a bowl of peanuts. The guy starts drinking
his Pepsi and munches on a few nuts.
Voice from offstage or under table: Hey, that's a nice tie.
Man looks around and sees no one except the bartender at the other end of
the bar. Man shrugs shoulders, takes another sip of his Pepsi and munches
a few more nuts.
Voice from offstage or under table: Man, you are looking good, have you lost
Man looks around, dazed and confused, and only sees the bartender down at
the other end of the bar. Looks under table, nothin' there, shrugs
shoulders. He has another sip of his Pepsi, a few more nuts, and the same
thing happens again.
Voice from offstage or under table: Wow, where do you buy your clothes? I
simply love your jacket!
Man, (calling the bartender down): Excuse me!
Bartender comes to the table
Man (nervously, looking around): Do you hear voices?
Bartender (thinking he's got a weirdo sitting at the bar): Voices, sir?
Man: Yeah, watch this.
Man sips his Pepsi and munches a handful of nuts.
Voice from offstage or under table: Man, are you smart or what?
Bartender: (finally understanding) Oh, that! (He points to the bowl of nuts
on the table/bar) It's the nuts.
Man: (really confused) The nuts? The bowl of nuts?
Bartender: Why, yes. (pause for the punchline) They're complimentary!
> > >>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>> >> >>>>>>>> >> > > > > > > >
Lorie McGraw <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Bear Leader Pack 410 Den 4
Indian Waters Council, Etowah Creek District Columbia, SC
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
Terry Howerton Sakima Group, Inc. SCOUTER Magazine Kansas City