Mark Arend (arend@PEOPLES.NET)
Thu, 5 Sep 1996 19:33:27 -0500
Here's a collection of camping tips:
When using a public campground a tuba placed on the picnic table
keeps the campsites on either side vacent.
Old socks can be made into high fiber beef jerky by smoking them
over an open fire.
A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A
hot enchilada works almost as well but the cheese sticks to your toes.
You'll never be awakened by the call of the loon if you have an
When smoking a fish, never inhale.
The best backpacks are named for national parks or mountain ranges.
Steer clear of those named for landfills.
While the Swiss Army Knife has been popular for years, the Swiss
Navy Knife has remained largely unheralded. It's single blade functions as
a tiny canoe paddle.
Modern rainsuits made of fabrics that breathe enable campers to stay
dry in a downpour. Rainsuits that sneeze, cough & belch, however, have been
proven to add absolutely nothing to the wilderness experience.
Lint from the navel makes a handy fire starter. WARNING: remove
lint from navel before applying the match.
You can duplicate the warmth of a down-filled sleeping bag by
climbing into a garbage bag with several geese.
When camping, always wear a long-sleeved shirt. It gives you
something to wipe your nose on.
You can compress the diameter of your rolled up sleeping bag by
running over it with your car.
The two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup.
The guitar of the noisy kid in the next campsite makes excellent
Check the washing instructions before purchasing any aparel to be
worn camping. Buy only those that read "Beat on a rock in stream".
A large carp can be used for a pillow.
The sight of a bald eagle has thrilled campers for generations. The
sight of a bald man, however, does nothing for the eagles.
Effective January 1, 1997 you will actually have to enlist in the
Swiss Army to get a Swiss Army Knife.
Bear bells provide an element of safety for hikers. The tricky part
is getting them on the bear.
A great deal of hostility can be released by using newspaper photos
of politicians for toilet paper.
In an emergency, the drawstring from a parka hood can be used to
strangle a snoring tentmate.
The preceeding taken from Bruce Cochran's column in the September 1996 issue
of Backpacker magazine.
Mark W. Arend
Beaver Dam Community Library
311 N. Spring St. Outside of a dog, a book is
Beaver Dam, Wisc. 53916 man's best friend. Inside of
(414) 887-4631 (fax 887-4633) a dog it's too dark to read.
Scoutmaster, Troop 736
Terry Howerton Sakima Group, Inc. SCOUTER Magazine Kansas City