Signe Rogers (midwife@SOUTHWIND.NET)
Thu, 6 Jun 1996 15:32:26 -0500
Why Lawyers Make the Big Bucks
The following questions from lawyers were taken from official court records
nationwide. They came off the Internet, originally I think from Vanderbilt
Government Warning: Do not eat or drink anything while reading this.
Spontaneous outbursts of laughter while eating or drinking can drive
Coca-cola or potato chips deep into your sinuses and require surgical removal.
1. Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
2. Now, doctor, isn't it ture that when a person dies in his sleep, in most
cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until
the next morning?
3. Q: What happened then?
A: He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'
Q: Did he kill you?
4. Was it you or your brother that was killed int he war?
5. The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
6. Were you alone or by yourself?
7. How long have you been a French Canadian?
8. Do you have any children or anything of that kind?
9. Q: I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture?
A: That's me.
Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?
10. Were you present in this court this morning when you were sworn in?
11. Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
A: Be death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
12. Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
A: I'll be three months on November 8.
Q: Apparantly, then, the date of conception was August 8?
Q: What were you doing at that time?
13. Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?
A: I used to be.
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
14. So you were gone until you returned?
15. Q: She had three children, right?
Q: How many were boys?
Q: Were there girls?
16. You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like,
but can you secribe it?
17. Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
18. Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
A: Not yet.
19. A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid
question, interrupted himself and said, "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the
20. Q: Do you recall approximiately the time that you examined the body
A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Edington was dead at that time, is that correct?
A: No, you stupid, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was
doing an autopsy!
Terry Howerton Sakima Group, Inc. SCOUTER Magazine Kansas City