Microsoft9s latest takeover
David Scammell (David_Scammell.Orlando_spg@XEROX.COM)
Wed, 23 Aug 1995 09:14:58 PDT
In a surprise move, Microsoft chairman Bill Gates announced yesterday that he
has purchased the entire calendar year of 1995. 1995 will be replaced instad
by "Year-M" to be followed by actual 1995. "Windows 95 was not going to ship
on schedule," Gates said. "But we couldn't change the name again ... people
are starting to get confused. So instead of spending a lot of time and money
on a new marketing campaign, we decided just to buy 1995. That way we get an
extra year to debug Windows and get it shipped for what will be the new 1995."
Microsoft arranged this coup by leveraging its financial assets to bail out the
Federal Government and pay off the National Debt. The IRS is being disbanded
for next year, but taxes will be collected as usual with one change: all
checks must be made payable to "Bill Gates".
A side benefit of this purchase is that Gates now owns the Judicial Branch for
the duration of "Year-M". Speculators stated that Gates would likely use this
opportunity to dismiss the numerous lawsuits pending against Microsoft. Gates
apparently feels this would be cheaper than actually hiring lawyers to
represent his rickety cases.
In a related story, God has filed suit against Gates because of his purchase,
claiming time to be the sole property of God. In a countersuit, Gates claims
God is a monopoly and demands that he broken up into "deity conglomerates."
"Gosh," said Gates, "They broke up AT&T ... why can't we break up God?"
Inside sources at Microsoft said that Gates was looking for an early resolution
to the suit by hiring God as a programmer. Evidently, God has the exact
profile that Gates is looking for in a programmer: he doesn't mind rainy
climates, doesn't need any money, isn't married and can work at least 6 days
"If we could just get some employees like that," Gates lamented, "we would be
able to ship Windows '95 on time."
Just a humorous posting that I ran across and decided to throw up here.
The comments, viewpoints and anything else is not necessarily mine ... So,
whatever you do .... don't shoot the messenger! <grin>
YiS & humor,
David L. Scammell
Terry Howerton Sakima Group, Inc. SCOUTER Magazine Kansas City